Tonight I finally had the heart
To cry for you like I did
On the night you were first taken from me.
Tonight I knew you were really gone
And I would never see your eyes again –
Except in a flash of an old memory.
Tonight I lost my hope of love
Because it was locked in you –
Pent up over decades and never spent.
Tonight I saw you in visions
That rose from flickering candles –
Beauty that I never valued enough to save.
Tonight I could hear you in lyrics
And new wave rhythms that jangled –
Making me swoon with longing.
Tonight I drank you in draughts –
Sweet malted swigs of caramel –
Like the exquisite taste of your mouth.
Tonight I could smell the musk
Of your soft body and my hard lust –
And I remembered our love language.
Tonight I could feel the silkiness
Of your downy skin with its beads of sweat –
And I delighted in our desire.
Tonight I could do nothing
Except regress into regret
At a loss beyond losing.
Tonight I had no other urge
But to kneel by your grave
And weep enough tears to stir the ground.
Tonight I resolved to journey
Halfway across the world that killed you
So I could be by your side again.
Tonight I decided that you
Had been everything I ever really wanted -
But I failed to realise how much.
Tonight I understood at last
That all my other failures were nothing –
Much, much less than nothing.
Tonight I deleted the rest of it
As so much meaningless dross
So I might visit you untrammelled.
Tonight I wanted to drive you home –
Along Kourosh-e-Kabir and left at Khiaban-e-Pars –
To a place we two still inhabit as one.